Tag: animals

Turkeys Hate Thanksgiving

Tucker Turkey here,

And I’ve just learned that people,

Have a funny way of showing they are thankful,

And I think that it is dreadful.

 

They must be mad,

I hear a feast is had,

And turkey meat,

Is the main fare on to eat.

 

Who decided we are good to eat?

Who came up with stuffing us,

And calling it a treat?

 

I won’t accept this fate,

I won’t, I won’t, I won’t!

Sorry Mr. Farmer,

If your plans are shattered,

But I won’t be being roasted,

And presented on a platter,

I don’t care if you starve,

It won’t be me you carve!

 

I thought I had the good life here,

I am so very fond,

Of my lazy days spent by the pond,

I’d not have guessed,

There were plans to kill me off,

Like one of the poison pests.

 

In one week to the day,

Light will dawn,

On their holiday,

So I must fly away,

To prevent becoming prey.

 

I think I’ll be a city bird,

In a paradise,

Where the weather’s always warm,

And killing their own meal,

Is not the people’s norm.

 

I’ve been told Miami’s marvelous,

And L.A. is lovely,

I wonder if the Sahara,

Would be satisfying?

To which of these places,

With year-round sun,

Should I run?

 

********************

 

I ended up in Vegas,

Where I soon became famous,

So shove it farmer,

‘Cuz it looks like it is certain,

That for me it’s not yet curtains.

 

I like the casinos and the shows,

And how at night,

Everything glows,

Each day I feel excitement,

Here is so different from the country,

Where it was mostly silent.

 

Yes this city’s full of charm,

And I do not miss the farm,

But yes Mr. Farmer,

I most definitely do,

Wish you harm!

 

 

 

 

 

Good Riddance, Mr.!

Mrs. Wolf’s husband was a liar,

So she ran from him,

Like he was Hellfire,

She ran off to this awesome place,

The Enchanted Forest,

So I’m told,

He says she’s disappeared,

And left without a trace.

 

I hear she’s set up with a prime lot,

On the corner of Riding and Hood,

Come what may,

Happen what would,

She’s the Baddest Bitch,

For miles around,

In that little enchanted town.

 

She knows life will get crazy,

And life will get hard,

She also knows she’s better off,

Without that retard.

 

Mrs. Wolf got a pet called Ted,

A tortoise who usually hangs out,

By the garden shed,

He helps her through the tough times,

He’s much better for mental issues,

Than a stupid box of tissues.

 

One day was undoubtedly going to be a scorcher,

Too hot to bake the bread,

So she got in her head,

A notion to visit the mall,

She fetched her purse,

From down the hall,

Then got in her Wolf Car,

And blasted the air,

To keep herself from torture.

 

Mrs. Wolf knew,

The mall was a danger,

As it was built on the border,

Of the Enchanted Forest,

And the Real World,

Here’s to hoping she doesn’t see that gossip,

Mrs. Morris,

Or her ex-husband,

Whose name is Boris.

 

Mrs. Wolf had quite the exciting day,

Like any lady,

Enjoying retail therapy,

And for the record yes,

She did see the enemy,

Mr. Wolf was also there,

But she managed to dodge his nasty ass,

And came home with a hott new dress,

And a record clean of a felony.

 

Mrs. Wolf likes to take Tortoise Ted,

For walks along the forest paths,

Every day about noon,

As a wolf and a tortoise together,

Is one weird sight,

She was thought by some,

To be crazy as a loon,

But she did not care,

What they thought,

She was free,

And could not wait to see,

What other wonders,

The single life brought.

 

In Mrs. Wolf’s Enchanted Town,

Time is frozen,

While she stayed young,

It is told,

That Boris got old.

 

Days went by,

Then weeks turned into months,

And months flowed into years,

Finally Mrs. Wolf ran out of tears,

And try as he might,

That lying Boris Wolf,

Was never able to find,

Her sexy behind.

 

Mrs. Wolf has no regrets,

Life here is as good as it gets,

Freedom to choose,

Her every move,

This is easy street,

Yes life here is a treat.

 

Mr. Wolf never did get happy,

Though he tried his best,

And in some situations,

Even got a little sappy,

He was forever the neighborhood outcast,

For his treatment of Mrs. Wolf in the past.

 

Mrs. Wolf is still alive,

But Mr. Wolf has long since died,

Good riddance to him,

She thinks with a laugh,

As she and Tortoise Ted,

Once more skip down their favorite path.

 

 

 

We Hope You Have A Horrorble Holiday

A black cat,

Who wears an orange top hat,

Head of the Horrorble Spooky Pack,

We are no joke,

And on Halloween,

We like to leave things battered and broke.

 

I may be a sweet-looking thing,

But from my brain,

Meanness does sing,

And unto you,

My Spooks will do,

Anything I tell them to.

 

We promote fear,

Like Santa promotes cheer,

I’m ancient like him,

But my morning jogs,

Keep me spry,

So I can make you cry.

 

At our meeting today,

The whole Pack was so excited,

That it’s time to come out and play,

They’ve come up with piles of plans,

To give you a horrorble holiday.

 

We are comprised of lots of horrors,

Who all make me very proud,

A Live Witch’s Broom,

And some Screaming Wind,

Are some of the,

More exotic things.

 

Then there are the regular ones,

Like an Ivory-Boned Skeleton,

And an Enormous Evil Pumpkin,

Who weighs a literal ton.

 

Do any of these,

Sound scary to you?

If not,

Then you may be a fool.

 

The Live Witch’s Broom can sweep you,

Off the face of the Earth,

And the Screaming Wind,

Can render your ears,

Unable to hear.

 

The Skeleton and Pumpkin,

Are not just cute or silly decorations,

They can do evil,

Beyond your wildest imagination,

Would you like to see a demonstration?

 

I thought not,

But hey now don’t go run and hide,

It would so waste the night,

If you sat inside,

Come on now don’t be a pansy,

Get on out there,

And collect that candy.

 

We will be waiting,

Wherever we are,

Poor you,

If from us you are not far.

 

 

 

Uh-Oh, The Secret Cookies Are Now For Sale

Behind the grassy clearing,

Where the unsuspecting tend to fall prey,

To the Big Black Bear,

Demonic Dominic,

There lies a wondrous place,

Known as Sugar Cookie Cavern,

It’s an old-fashioned sort of place,

And smiles cover every face,

At least they did,

Until today.

 

Under normal circumstances,

No one will stumble upon this quaint little town,

For to cross the clearing,

You would have to pass Demonic Dominic,

Who will surely scare you off or take you down.

 

Somehow though,

Some unexplainable way,

Her Highness Naughty Ness,

Has found the way.

 

It’s in a big, big cave,

When entering you will see a twisted path,

Which leads into this town,

That is hidden away,

And it was always a fucking fortress,

Until she came to govern it,

Her Highness Naughty Ness.

 

Such a charming, charming place,

At one time full of grace,

Until along came Naughty Ness,

And wiped the smile from each face.

 

Picture this,

Everything sparkles and dazzles,

With every color ever,

Radiated from a prism,

The grass grows neon,

And frosted cookies instead of flowers,

Sprout over every lawn.

 

People were content,

No work and all play,

That was basically their way,

Until that fateful day,

When along came She,

Her Highness Naughty Ness.

 

Their ancient barter system is no more,

She shook this town,

To the core,

When she changed their ways,

And painted it with frowns.

 

Ever since this place was new,

Things were there to take,

Whether they were made or grew,

It was free,

If from a plant or a tree,

And they liked to trade,

Things that they made.

 

The sky was always clear,

Sunshine permeated the place,

Until the day there was no trace,

Of the warmth and happiness,

This happened the day that She blew in,

Her Highness Naughty Ness.

 

Being sneaky,

She keeps hidden away,

In a castle she’s built,

High on a hill,

She hates being seen,

But boy is she,

Fucking mean,

She’s got a deep love for the green,

And will come by it,

Through any means.

 

Whoa now!

Don’t dare eat that cookie!

Though it was grown,

On land that you own,

It’s got purple icing,

And is needed on a tray,

For Her to ship off,

Right away.

 

She sells off their things,

For fancy gowns and rings,

From their exports,

She’s got herself a fine monetary source,

But for the lifelong residents,

Of Sugar Cookie Cavern,

This is becoming detrimental,

And they must put a stop,

To Her evil pattern.

 

She makes them pay,

For imported goods,

Their peaceful way of life,

She has cut it like a knife.

 

There are loaves of bread,

That hang from branches of each tree,

But they are no longer free,

You will pay Her,

One dozen frosted cookies for a loaf,

Or for you,

There will be no toast.

 

This self-proclaimed queen,

She insists the more worldly ways are for their own good,

She tries to make them ‘civilized’,

Remember,

She’s all about the green,

So she doesn’t see,

This is no prize.

 

For since the start of this place,

Sugar Cookie Cavern,

Has been a place of paradise,

Not mingling with general society,

Makes them happy as a gambler,

Who rolled sevens on a pair of loaded dice.

 

Through Her trades with the Outsiders,

The secret of their home,

Is about to be leaked,

She must be stopped,

Before it is squeaked.

 

They all had a meeting,

To save this blissful place,

And one man decided,

“What more could I lose”?

Then he put on his walking shoes,

And headed for the mouth of their Cave,

All agreed,

That he is fucking brave.

 

Old Adam went searching,

For Demonic Dominic,

He sat on a boulder,

Waiting and waiting,

His mission was impossible,

To converse with That Bad Bear,

Befriend him so he will agree,

To take out Naughty Ness,

Even if he must,

Drag her out by her hair.

 

Once he realized,

Old Adam was in his field,

He came out and slunk up,

Behind that huge rock on which he sat,

Ready to smash him like a glass cup,

He assumed his life he would take,

Yes in his mind,

Old Adam was already fucking gone.

 

About to take that final step,

The one to make him close enough,

In which Old Adam’s life he could snuff,

He sure got a shock,

When the man turned around,

And stared him down,

From atop that big ol’ rock.

 

It stopped Him in His tracks,

Never before had the Demon Bear,

Seen anyone dare,

To look him in the eye,

As he tried to catch them unaware,

And sentence them to die.

 

“You there!

You evil asshole of a bear!

Just beyond your field,

Inside that old cave,

Is my peaceful community,

We are asking for your help,

Ridding us of Naughty Ness,

I’m begging you to save our fortress,

Please help us take her out,

She has ruined our town,

And forced us to bow down,

To her haughty crown”.

 

It happened for Old Adam,

Though it most likely never will for anyone again,

That day he made a friend,

Of Demonic Dominic.

 

Together they walked to the cave,

And crossed the threshold,

Into Sugar Cookie Cavern,

Where they saw all the town’s peoples,

Awaiting their return.

 

There was some skepticism,

In colluding with the Demon Bear,

Trust issues you know,

As he is ordinarily everyone’s foe,

But it was recognized,

That indeed this was the only way,

For Naughty Ness to forever go away.

 

Late one night,

Soon after his arrival,

All the plans were finally in place,

First the Bear made her feel compelled,

Then made his way back to his hovel,

Where he waited on her,

She would be in a trance,

Unable to put up a fight.

 

The very next day,

She felt a strong need to walk away,

She walked out much calmer than she blew in,

And then Demonic Dominic,

Made her his next sin.

 

A celebration ensued,

When it became obvious,

That Her Highness Naughty Ness,

Was never by them to be seen again,

Then Sugar Cookie Cavern,

Was once more a captivating place,

Charming and full of grace.

 

Once more everyone and everything is free,

They are hidden away,

And that is endlessly,

How they shall stay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New England Pony/Southern Horse: A Barn Conversation

“Where is the cold?

And where is the fluffy, powdery snow?

I’m only a pony,

So maybe I don’t know,

But it seems to me,

It’s been warm and sunny,

For long enough,

That something is funny”.

 

“Just what in the hell is snow?

I mean,

Not to sound like an ass,

But all I’ve ever seen,

Is this here green grass,

I’m only a horse,

And I’d not accuse you of lying,

Of course,

But snow is something,

That does not sound believable,

And so I just don’t know”.

 

“It falls silently,

Not making a sound,

And covers the ground,

For miles and miles around,

When a lot comes at once,

It’s at times up to my chest,

The whole field is slippery,

If I’m lucky and get out of my stall,

I must hope not to fall,

And that’s at best,

As I may not get out that day at all,

I may be stuck inside,

Bored all day,

Staring at the wall”.

 

“Are you telling me that There,

White powder falls in place of rain?

And instead of making bothersome noises,

Like splashing on the ground,

Or pounding on the roof,

The only sounds are silence,

And this fluffy, powdery substance,

Is cold and there to stay”?

 

“Absolutely,

Though it’s not around forever,

Just when I get to thinking,

That it is leaving never,

Warmer days begin,

Then for awhile there is rain and mud,

But after a few weeks of that crud,

The weather’s just like Here,

There’s hot and humid air,

And green grass that beats yours,

Is again everywhere”.

 

“I’m having trouble,

Conjuring in my mind a picture,

Of such a weather mixture,

Excuse me if I snicker,

It’s not that I don’t take your word,

But this sounds absurd,

And in truth it leaves me puzzled”.

 

“It’s really no big deal,

I merely wondered where it was,

I love that there’s no snow,

I just didn’t know,

This year-round summertime,

Could truly be for real”.

 

“Even though,

We’ve gone our separate ways,

I vividly remember,

Our conversation that day,

Now I’m living in a place,

That gets cold like She described,

And what do you know,

There really is a thing called snow,

The first time I experienced it,

It caught me by surprise,

I could not believe my eyes,

That pony had not lied”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anything’s Possible

“I don’t know what to say,

I’m unsure where to start,

I’ve been called on to depart,

And with me I have taken,

Half of my mommy’s heart”.

~Lady~

 

Christened as Lady,

Known by pet names like Horsie-Ponie and Lady Lou,

And if I’m being rude,

I’m known as That Bitch, too.

 

Wherever this is I have landed,

I’ve heard there is a Wishing Well,

And if a penny it is handed,

It will send you back from whence you came,

Amidst the ringing of sweet bells.

 

Although I find it restful here,

With sunny weather,

And abundant grass so green,

I’m hoping to get back,

Before it’s been,

Too many years passed,

‘Cuz I feel me leaving mommy,

Was more than kind of mean,

And I can’t let the rest of our lives blow past,

Without again me her eyes having seen.

 

Yesterday I met a Fairy named Geri,

So special was she,

For she told me about the Wishing Well,

Then clued me in,

On how it could transport me,

Back to my mommy.

 

Now around my neck,

Hangs a penny,

In a unique pink drawstring sack,

So guided by instinct,

I puff up my chest,

And point my hooves West.

 

Miss Geri has told me,

The journey is not long,

In one week’s time,

I’ll be back where I belong.

 

When I see the Well,

In a twinkling,

She will reappear,

And her dust she will sprinkle,

On that penny I’ve ’round my neck,

Releasing it into,

The Mouth of the Well.

 

*************************

 

It’s been a fine journey thus far,

I’ve had luscious grass galore,

My water was drunk from the purest springs,

The taste was really something,

Definitely fit for a king,

And each night as I settled down,

Some grain was brought to me,

As good as any I’ve ever known.

 

Today will be the day,

I just had that sentiment,

This morning when I woke,

And now I am in my element,

Trotting fast,

This is no joke,

I’m excited,

And hoping mommy meets me,

Without resentment.

 

I stopped on top of a small hill,

Looking down at a shallow valley,

There it is,

Next to those two trees,

One palm and one white birch,

Despite being such an unlikely duo,

They were lovely,

And for just a moment my thoughts strayed,

As I thought,

‘You know,

Maybe together like that,

They should always grow’.

 

Spraying forth like a geyser,

Rainbow colored pastel waters,

Were pushed up,

And then rained down,

Emitting a most soothing sound,

‘O what a pretty Well!’,

Thought I,

As those waters,

Rose and fell.

 

So at a slow four-beat gait,

I went down to the Well,

Ears pricked with excitement,

I was so ready to seal my fate.

 

As I walked up to the Well,

Simultaneously came Geri,

Flashing a winsome grin,

She began to spin,

Shooting Fairy Dust,

Causing the sack’s string to bust.

 

There was a big splash,

As the Well accepted my cash,

Then Geri blew a kiss,

And I was on my way,

Past the abyss,

That had been separating me,

From Earth and the mommy I’ve missed.

 

*************************

 

I got back,

At the breaking of the dawn,

Geri the Fairy had set me down,

Quiet as a mouse,

Right at mommy’s house.

 

Since I’m now Undead,

Through the door I floated,

And stood next to the coffee pot,

Since I knew that’s where mommy would head,

When she finally roused herself from her bed.

 

Now here she is,

Walking toward me,

Not sure if she should believe,

What her eyes seem to see,

She stops in her tracks,

Giving herself time,

To take in the facts.

 

After what was seemingly forever,

But in reality may have been,

Just maybe to the count of ten,

She was on her way to me again.

 

Hugs and kisses were exchanged,

And when I answered her back,

In her own tongue,

Her face showed some shock,

But then we both agreed,

This new arrangement for my life does rock,

And will be lots of fun.

 

Now that we are both contented,

Many merry times get had,

Daily I give thanks,

That coming back was attainable,

For mommy is no longer sad,

And with my new voice,

Our bond has grown to something,

Utterly unexplainable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Do You Wish For?

At a hidden beach house near Key West,

Lives a tiger known as Sir Sadie,

Laying on white sand,

He naps on a towel,

Wearing only a scowl.

 

Scaring vacationers,

With a growl most foul,

And watching their fruity drinks fizz,

Are pastimes of his.

 

With the power vested in him,

By the Queen Of The Fishes,

Once each day,

He must grant someone three wishes.

 

So long as he’s near the ocean,

If you find him first,

He can put your most unfathomable,

Desires in motion.

 

But lazy Sir Sadie,

And his growl most foul,

Have most running like scared babies,

My God,

The way they are running,

You’d think he has rabies!

 

Remember,

If you’re a wuss,

And scared of this puss,

Be brave!

He’s just ol’ Sir Sadie,

Who knows his growl most foul,

Will cause a fuss,

Allowing him to be lazy.

 

If no one can get near,

Without first racing off in fear,

He can lay there on his towel,

Sneering and leering,

Instead of doing his job,

Of granting your wishes,

As he’s been ordered to do,

By the Queen Of The Fishes.

 

You could conceivably get lucky,

And head to this beach,

When he’s ’round the back,

Napping on his porch,

Seeking some reprieve,

From the sun’s scorch.

 

If you sneak up from behind,

And rub his back just so,

He’ll wake up with a smile,

And stretch out all his toes.

 

Once you get past his ever-present scowl,

And growl most foul,

He’s really not that bad,

And could even be considered,

As a friendly fellow.

 

Now grab those wishes while you can,

While he’ll afford you them with a smile,

Instead of with that growl most foul.

 

You can wish for anything,

From a ten-foot chocolate cake,

To a castle with a pot of gold,

Beside a pretty lake.

 

It’s too bad no one has yet thought,

To wish that all the world,

Would come into contact with Sir Sadie,

If we could all have a shot at three wishes,

For sure lots of crime would vanish,

And an abundance of good would flourish.

 

 

Animal Haven

A koala and a hare,

Just escaped from a zoo,

All done with sitting pretty for the tourists,

They’re headed to the redwood forest.

 

Among these giant trees,

There is a secret society,

It’s only known to animals,

They’ve been smart and kept it private.

 

In Eureka,

Off of Highway 101,

Amid all the coniferous branches,

They will reach the portal,

To this hidden place of fun.

 

Once they reach the concealed spot,

They spread open boughs and limbs,

This reveals a hidden rock,

Which they jump upon to knock.

 

Their eyes close and they are transported,

To an enormous meadow,

In the middle there’s a spring,

With a never-ending flow.

 

Here wild deer and horses,

Graze together side by side,

Bunnies and mice run around,

Feeling no need to hide.

 

When someone new has come,

To join this secret society,

The residents throw a party,

Called a Uniting Ceremony.

 

Everyone whose home is in this meadow,

Gathers ’round to greet the new arrivals,

Who then are formally welcomed,

By a big black crow.

 

Now they are official members,

Free to come and go,

By day they’ll hang in the Great Meadow,

Then by night they’re free to roam,

The forest full of massive timber.

 

No one knows how it began,

This secret society,

The how or the why that some animals,

First felt the need to hide from Man.

 

But so it will be,

‘Til the end of the world,

If they need an escape,

To there they’ll feel drawn,

And like this koala and this hare,

They’ll make their way there.