A Re-Written Fairy Tale

Today I must,

For you re-write,

The story of Snow White,

As you read it through,

It may indeed pale,

In comparison to the original tale,

But I swear to you,

Each word is true.

Inside a vast forest,

Deep inside and to the North,

Lies a comely cottage,

Inhabited by a beauty called Snow White,

Who lives a simple life,

Happy and at one,

With our Mother Earth.

Each day is different though the same,

She wanders out,

And navigates her way about,

Picking herbs and berries,

Until she has all that she can carry.

Often she will spy,

A pretty bird in a tree up high,

Or an interesting flower swaying to and fro,

In the valley not far below,

But nothing could prepare her to see,

What she saw this morning,

They were a seriously scary,

And ugly thing to see.

A midget and a skeleton,

From the back yea sure,

They only looked like a couple of gentleman,

But upon them hearing our Snow White,

They stopped and turned around,

And there her heart nearly stopped,

Yes it plummeted to the ground,

And her scream was heard,

For quite a distance around.

You see she was used to,

Conversing with the animals,

And the occasional passerby,

Normally those out and about this early,

Were nothing like this evil looking,

Spine chilling crew of two.

Once her heart beat settled down,

She looked to them with a frown,

And though their words then were polite,

When they walked away,

She could hear them laughing about her fright.

Unused to interruptions such as these,

In her commonly calm grove of trees,

Since normally the type to pass through,

Were friendly and sincere,

She went to see Queen Aimee,

Knowing she would lend an ear.

After a talk and a drink,

Snow White was calmer,

And made her way back home to think,

Then at some point she fell asleep,

And awoke knowing just,

What to do to these creeps.

She had to bide her time,

Not just execute her plan on a dime,

She decided she would wait,

For Halloween to come around,

Then for sure this midget and this skeleton,

Would fall victim to her bait.

Her daily routine now has her on edge,

Never has she been so uncomfortable,

In what is normally her element,

The birds are no longer as beautiful,

Nor the flowers as fragrant.

Still though she powers through,

She must,

As the things she gathers,

Are her livelihood,

So she deals with these two daily,

While out on her strolls,

And the things she hears from them,

Are never very good.

What used to be so pleasant,

Was now nerve wracking and stressful,

There were still the lovely encounters,

With forest creatures and neighbors,

But no matter how much good was present,

Seeing those two would add a touch of dreadful.

While picking berries with Queen Aimee,

At a crossroads near her cottage,

Snow White could see the midget,

He was going about his business,

A slight scowl on his face,

She wished then that she could drown him,

In a pot of piping-hot porridge,

Especially when along came his skeleton,

And together they started speaking of her,

The lies they spoke were so vicious,

There was no way now,

For them to ever earn her forgiveness.

As the summer wore on,

Fall settled upon Snow White’s woods,

And for her plan,

She began to gather,

The needed goods.

She could see without a doubt,

That the midget and the skeleton,

Needed to be taken out,

They always schooled their face,

Into a friendly mask,

Until the unlucky one was gone from their space,

Then insulting talk and mean laughter would commence.

These two evil boys went out of their way,

With snide comments,

And nasty looks,

Their despicable behavior,

Made them many enemies,

Amongst this lot of trees.

Inside her cottage,

The cauldron smoked and bubbled,

With a brew so potent,

It would take only a moment,

For them to go under,

And leave Snow White and her woods,

Again untroubled.

Before long the day arrived,

Time for the annual Halloween bash,

All the forest folk were invited,

Even those two known as,

The neighborhood trash.

A great array of gourmet dishes,

Prepared exclusively by our Snow White,

Were set up on a massive table,

Bathed in colorful flashy lights.

There was a name card at each seat,

And two had beside them,

An extra-special treat,

A piece of her famous apple pie,

With just enough poison,

To not quite make them die.

First there was casino card games and some dancing,

Then to the food tables,

Everyone started advancing,

While they all filled their plates,

Snow White snuck off to hide,

To watch the midget and the skeleton,

Devour their food,

And then her bait.

Soon it was time for everyone to go,

All were so buzzed and full,

No one noticed the two troublemakers,

Had been brought down,

By their resident baker.

She dragged them inside,

And left them to a lifelong nap,

Where Karma could complete the work,

Their princesses never showed,

At the humble abode,

And as their lips never received their kiss,

They were forced to stay,

Forever like this.

Wandering Mind

Are you aware your mind has wings?

It flies you here and there,

By the way of thinking things.

Just the other day,

I was flown away,

I went all the way,

To a city called L.A.,

I saw Rodeo Drive,

And Sunset Boulevard,

Yea leaving there was really hard.

I remember once being transported,

To another century,

While there I did get courted,

By Grand Duke Gregory.

At a time when I was feeling blue,

In my mind I traveled to,

The glorious Granby Zoo,

There I was untroubled,

And from my heart,

Laughter bubbled.

About a month ago,

I happened to go for a visit,

To a place most exquisite,

There had food most decadent,

Not that that is even relevant,

But I love food so,

And wow, their cookie dough!

I am about to take a trip,

On a fancy ship,

Work I plan to skip,

Maybe I’ll even be a pig,

And eat lots of chips,

Unless before I go,

I somehow get a grip.

Where will you wander?

Will it be just over yonder?

Or will you head far off,

To some place warm and soft?

We Hope You Have A Horrorble Holiday

A black cat,

Who wears an orange top hat,

Head of the Horrorble Spooky Pack,

We are no joke,

And on Halloween,

We like to leave things battered and broke.

I may be a sweet-looking thing,

But from my brain,

Meanness does sing,

And unto you,

My Spooks will do,

Anything I tell them to.

We promote fear,

Like Santa promotes cheer,

I’m ancient like him,

But my morning jogs,

Keep me spry,

So I can make you cry.

At our meeting today,

The whole Pack was so excited,

That it’s time to come out and play,

They’ve come up with piles of plans,

To give you a horrorble holiday.

We are comprised of lots of horrors,

Who all make me very proud,

A Live Witch’s Broom,

And some Screaming Wind,

Are some of the,

More exotic things.

Then there are the regular ones,

Like an Ivory-Boned Skeleton,

And an Enormous Evil Pumpkin,

Who weighs a literal ton.

Do any of these,

Sound scary to you?

If not,

Then you may be a fool.

The Live Witch’s Broom can sweep you,

Off the face of the Earth,

And the Screaming Wind,

Can render your ears,

Unable to hear.

The Skeleton and Pumpkin,

Are not just cute or silly decorations,

They can do evil,

Beyond your wildest imagination,

Would you like to see a demonstration?

I thought not,

But hey now don’t go run and hide,

It would so waste the night,

If you sat inside,

Come on now don’t be a pansy,

Get on out there,

And collect that candy.

We will be waiting,

Wherever we are,

Poor you,

If from us you are not far.

Uh-Oh, The Secret Cookies Are Now For Sale

Behind the grassy clearing,

Where the unsuspecting tend to fall prey,

To the Big Black Bear,

Demonic Dominic,

There lies a wondrous place,

Known as Sugar Cookie Cavern,

It’s an old-fashioned sort of place,

And smiles cover every face,

At least they did,

Until today.

Under normal circumstances,

No one will stumble upon this quaint little town,

For to cross the clearing,

You would have to pass Demonic Dominic,

Who will surely scare you off or take you down.

Somehow though,

Some unexplainable way,

Her Highness Naughty Ness,

Has found the way.

It’s in a big, big cave,

When entering you will see a twisted path,

Which leads into this town,

That is hidden away,

And it was always a fucking fortress,

Until she came to govern it,

Her Highness Naughty Ness.

Such a charming, charming place,

At one time full of grace,

Until along came Naughty Ness,

And wiped the smile from each face.

Picture this,

Everything sparkles and dazzles,

With every color ever,

Radiated from a prism,

The grass grows neon,

And frosted cookies instead of flowers,

Sprout over every lawn.

People were content,

No work and all play,

That was basically their way,

Until that fateful day,

When along came She,

Her Highness Naughty Ness.

Their ancient barter system is no more,

She shook this town,

To the core,

When she changed their ways,

And painted it with frowns.

Ever since this place was new,

Things were there to take,

Whether they were made or grew,

It was free,

If from a plant or a tree,

And they liked to trade,

Things that they made.

The sky was always clear,

Sunshine permeated the place,

Until the day there was no trace,

Of the warmth and happiness,

This happened the day that She blew in,

Her Highness Naughty Ness.

Being sneaky,

She keeps hidden away,

In a castle she’s built,

High on a hill,

She hates being seen,

But boy is she,

Fucking mean,

She’s got a deep love for the green,

And will come by it,

Through any means.

Whoa now!

Don’t dare eat that cookie!

Though it was grown,

On land that you own,

It’s got purple icing,

And is needed on a tray,

For Her to ship off,

Right away.

She sells off their things,

For fancy gowns and rings,

From their exports,

She’s got herself a fine monetary source,

But for the lifelong residents,

Of Sugar Cookie Cavern,

This is becoming detrimental,

And they must put a stop,

To Her evil pattern.

She makes them pay,

For imported goods,

Their peaceful way of life,

She has cut it like a knife.

There are loaves of bread,

That hang from branches of each tree,

But they are no longer free,

You will pay Her,

One dozen frosted cookies for a loaf,

Or for you,

There will be no toast.

This self-proclaimed queen,

She insists the more worldly ways are for their own good,

She tries to make them ‘civilized’,

Remember,

She’s all about the green,

So she doesn’t see,

This is no prize.

For since the start of this place,

Sugar Cookie Cavern,

Has been a place of paradise,

Not mingling with general society,

Makes them happy as a gambler,

Who rolled sevens on a pair of loaded dice.

Through Her trades with the Outsiders,

The secret of their home,

Is about to be leaked,

She must be stopped,

Before it is squeaked.

They all had a meeting,

To save this blissful place,

And one man decided,

“What more could I lose”?

Then he put on his walking shoes,

And headed for the mouth of their Cave,

All agreed,

That he is fucking brave.

Old Adam went searching,

For Demonic Dominic,

He sat on a boulder,

Waiting and waiting,

His mission was impossible,

To converse with That Bad Bear,

Befriend him so he will agree,

To take out Naughty Ness,

Even if he must,

Drag her out by her hair.

Once he realized,

Old Adam was in his field,

He came out and slunk up,

Behind that huge rock on which he sat,

Ready to smash him like a glass cup,

He assumed his life he would take,

Yes in his mind,

Old Adam was already fucking gone.

About to take that final step,

The one to make him close enough,

In which Old Adam’s life he could snuff,

He sure got a shock,

When the man turned around,

And stared him down,

From atop that big ol’ rock.

It stopped Him in His tracks,

Never before had the Demon Bear,

Seen anyone dare,

To look him in the eye,

As he tried to catch them unaware,

And sentence them to die.

“You there!

You evil asshole of a bear!

Just beyond your field,

Inside that old cave,

Is my peaceful community,

We are asking for your help,

Ridding us of Naughty Ness,

I’m begging you to save our fortress,

Please help us take her out,

She has ruined our town,

And forced us to bow down,

To her haughty crown”.

It happened for Old Adam,

Though it most likely never will for anyone again,

That day he made a friend,

Of Demonic Dominic.

Together they walked to the cave,

And crossed the threshold,

Into Sugar Cookie Cavern,

Where they saw all the town’s peoples,

Awaiting their return.

There was some skepticism,

In colluding with the Demon Bear,

Trust issues you know,

As he is ordinarily everyone’s foe,

But it was recognized,

That indeed this was the only way,

For Naughty Ness to forever go away.

Late one night,

Soon after his arrival,

All the plans were finally in place,

First the Bear made her feel compelled,

Then made his way back to his hovel,

Where he waited on her,

She would be in a trance,

Unable to put up a fight.

The very next day,

She felt a strong need to walk away,

She walked out much calmer than she blew in,

And then Demonic Dominic,

Made her his next sin.

A celebration ensued,

When it became obvious,

That Her Highness Naughty Ness,

Was never by them to be seen again,

Then Sugar Cookie Cavern,

Was once more a captivating place,

Charming and full of grace.

Once more everyone and everything is free,

They are hidden away,

And that is endlessly,

How they shall stay.

Be Careful, That’s Dandy, Not Frosty

Snowflakes have fallen,

And from this white dust has arisen,

A snowman from Hell,

He’s nothing like Frosty,

But still there is,

A story to tell.

It’s said that after the first snowfall,

There is a white cloud that whirls and twirls,

From this he is unfurled,

Then out he steps from that drift alive,

And at the Season’s end,

He bleeds red blood,

When he dies.

Winter after winter,

He always shows up,

But spreading joy for the Season,

Is not his reason.

He looks like any standard snowman,

Attired in a plaid scarf and evergreen wreaths,

With a wide candy smile,

To mask his intentions,

You’d never guess,

That your stockings and yule cakes,

He wants to thieve.

But on closer inspection you’ll realize,

He radiates a chilly vibe,

Like from an Arctic blizzard,

And if you are in tune with your intuition,

Just being near him,

Will cause you to fear him.

He’ll make you wish for sun,

He’ll make you wish for sand,

He’ll make you wish to be,

Anywhere but within reach of his hands.

He can drink hot chocolate,

And stir it with an icicle,

Neither one will drip a drop,

But this is no miracle,

No,

It’s a creepy kind of magic spell.

At a late night sleighing party,

He may seem to fit in very well,

Conversing so cheerily and laughing so heartily,

You’d never guess,

He’s sent here from Hell.

Sauntering down streets,

While us people sleep,

You won’t hear a peep,

As he ruins all the children’s snowmen,

Yes he bashes them all in,

For he feels they’re Frosty’s kin.

He waves about an enchanted wand,

Disguised as a candy cane,

Your Christmas trees he robs bare,

Nothing did get spared,

And if you’re pissed,

He really doesn’t care.

Yeah not at all like Frosty,

This snowman is very naughty,

But since he was not built,

He cannot be destroyed,

Even if for this an army was deployed,

Looks like we’re stuck with him,

Until it warms,

And he can melt,

So keep your fingers crossed,

And hope you are ignored,

Until he melts on the Earth’s floor,

Into a pile of snow and gore.

An Outsider’s Jingle

R-rated,

Seemingly always hated,

But never be a mirror image,

Of anyone but yourself.

Haunted,

By a feeling,

Of never being truly wanted,

Will keep your brain a-reeling.

Take a break,

A break from life,

For awhile,

Leave the world behind,

Learn again to smile,

Go re-find your mind.

It was said by Cinderella,

We all need some sort of shelter,

Well go figure out what could be yours,

Go, go far away,

Get to doing it,

Leave behind this world,

That’s trying to make you,

From yourself stray.

Don’t come back,

‘Til you’re back on track,

‘Til all your problems,

Have been sacked,

And you’re safe,

From going Snap.

You’ll be recharged,

But still,

Don’t be expecting miracles,

Remember,

Don’t dilute your personality,

Just for others who are critical,

And insist on causing for you,

Troubles by the barrelful.

You are R-rated,

Seemingly always hated,

Haunted,

Because you feel never really wanted,

But don’t let these assholes make you feel daunted,

Be yourself,

Yes fucking flaunt it.

Jake, The Omnipresent Pheasant

Though knowledge of Him is not common,

Yes He is something of a phenomenon,

He is believed in by those,

Whose lives He has touched,

And to them,

His amazing deeds mean much.

He is often in the Amazon Rainforest,

Perched upon a branch,

At the very top of an old kapok tree,

From there,

There is nothing His eyes cannot see.

There are two sides to Him,

He changes faces on a whim,

Depending upon,

What He sees from that limb.

His good side is sweet,

This Him is one of the bestest creatures you could meet,

But rub Him on His bad side,

And you will surely meet,

Death by His beak,

No never again,

Will you rise to your feet.

When bored on His branch,

He will gallivant around,

Going from place to place,

He once found a bad guy and gave chase,

Ending his life,

Then helped out a homeless vagrant to save face.

Flying above you,

Wherever you are,

There is a Bird,

You don’t know it,

He’s invisible,

And has made sure He isn’t heard,

He likes to scope things out,

There’s always someone who can be watched,

Just in case it chances to be you,

You’d be wise to not do anything absurd,

But maybe if harm befalls you,

You’ll get lucky and be rescued by this Bird.

Ha! There’s been an accident,

Along Highway 95,

Help has not even had time yet to arrive,

But here comes judgement,

In the form of a Bird,

The one whose drunken fault it was,

He makes sure to leave him maimed without a word,

The innocent has died,

Secretly He sprinkles them with Living Dust,

To make sure they actually survive.

Jake could be compared to Karma,

The effects of your life affecting you,

No good deed is too virtuous,

No means of ridding evil too immoral,

If He sees something that needs fixing,

He will be there,

It shall be done,

No never has He not been victorious.

New England Pony/Southern Horse: A Barn Conversation

“Where is the cold?

And where is the fluffy, powdery snow?

I’m only a pony,

So maybe I don’t know,

But it seems to me,

It’s been warm and sunny,

For long enough,

That something is funny”.

“Just what in the hell is snow?

I mean,

Not to sound like an ass,

But all I’ve ever seen,

Is this here green grass,

I’m only a horse,

And I’d not accuse you of lying,

Of course,

But snow is something,

That does not sound believable,

And so I just don’t know”.

“It falls silently,

Not making a sound,

And covers the ground,

For miles and miles around,

When a lot comes at once,

It’s at times up to my chest,

The whole field is slippery,

If I’m lucky and get out of my stall,

I must hope not to fall,

And that’s at best,

As I may not get out that day at all,

I may be stuck inside,

Bored all day,

Staring at the wall”.

“Are you telling me that There,

White powder falls in place of rain?

And instead of making bothersome noises,

Like splashing on the ground,

Or pounding on the roof,

The only sounds are silence,

And this fluffy, powdery substance,

Is cold and there to stay”?

“Absolutely,

Though it’s not around forever,

Just when I get to thinking,

That it is leaving never,

Warmer days begin,

Then for awhile there is rain and mud,

But after a few weeks of that crud,

The weather’s just like Here,

There’s hot and humid air,

And green grass that beats yours,

Is again everywhere”.

“I’m having trouble,

Conjuring in my mind a picture,

Of such a weather mixture,

Excuse me if I snicker,

It’s not that I don’t take your word,

But this sounds absurd,

And in truth it leaves me puzzled”.

“It’s really no big deal,

I merely wondered where it was,

I love that there’s no snow,

I just didn’t know,

This year-round summertime,

Could truly be for real”.

“Even though,

We’ve gone our separate ways,

I vividly remember,

Our conversation that day,

Now I’m living in a place,

That gets cold like She described,

And what do you know,

There really is a thing called snow,

The first time I experienced it,

It caught me by surprise,

I could not believe my eyes,

That pony had not lied”.

A Cupcake Is Born

Early one Saturday morning,

An old London Lady,

Was deciding what to make,

“I know”, said she,

“I think I will bake,

I’ll bake me a big batch of cupcakes”!

So she got busy,

And worked herself into a tizzy,

Fast she wanted them done,

Because she had,

An errand to run.

After they were cooled,

She got out things to make them pretty,

As she liked eye-appealing food.

Little did she know,

The sprinkles would set one free,

One sprinkle had magic ability,

That made that cupcake,

Able to flee.

Out into London’s streets he wandered,

Where exactly he was headed,

He hadn’t really pondered.

He rounded one last bend,

Ending up in the West End,

Near the Covent Garden,

On a street called Drury Lane.

Outside of an enormous structure,

Was a sign for a bakery,

And on the stairs,

Leading in there,

Sat the famous Gingerbread Man,

Petting a cat with a loud purr.

Standing up to shake hands,

And greet the Cupcake,

He said “Hello, I’m the Gingerbread Man,

Who are you?

You look fresh-baked”.

“I’m Clyde The Cupcake,

And yes,

You are correct,

I am a fresh bake”,

Replied the runaway Cupcake.

As conversation kept on,

The hours flew past,

And soon the night was over,

They had talked until dawn.

That was some time ago,

Still they are the best of friends,

They remain close,

Enjoying the fine shopping in that area,

And going to the theatre,

But working for the Muffin Man,

Is what delights them most.

Among their most loyal clientele,

Is that old London Lady,

That Clyde knows well,

She now buys their treats,

Because she’s scared to bake,

Ever since her sprinkles,

Put her Cupcake,

Under a spell.

Ghost Dog

I’m here and I’m there,

I’m really everywhere,

I’m the Ghost Dog,

Traveling all around you,

As a paranormal fog.

Few have seen the real me,

As I died back in ’70,

But sometimes I am revealed,

If I notice you,

And you hold me any appeal.

I have traveled the country of my birth,

From Bangor to L.A.,

The reactions I get from those who see me,

Often leave me doubled over with mirth.

I spend my nights,

At fancy five-star resorts,

I like staying in suites,

Numbered one-thirteen,

But I’ll use two-thirteen,

As a last resort.

I stay for free,

‘Cuz when I float through the door,

They can’t see me,

Sneaking across their lobby floor.

I like to take a bubble bath,

In the relaxing Jacuzzi hot tub,

Then prowl the kitchen for dinner,

Quietly though,

So as not to cause a hubbub.

I’ll then float down the halls,

And out the exit,

I’m headed to the Tiki,

To snag me some fireball.

Daytime is even better,

It’s so interesting,

I go to dog parks,

And make friends who wear sweaters.

The doggies can see me,

But their owners cannot,

While we jump and growl in play,

All they see,

Is one pup on a leash,

Who’s for naught acting crazy.

This amuses me greatly,

Especially this one little old lady,

She one time shrieked at her fur baby,

“Misty stop it!, or I’ll tell Daddy”!

Silly things like this,

Make me pleased to be stuck,

Among those forever dwelling,

In an afterlife,

Spent neither in Heaven or in Hell.

It’s not often I materialize,

As an apparition,

But when I do,

Behold,

For I am quite the vision.

I am shiny red and pretty,

With bright brown eyes,

From time to time,

I lay at the foot of a bed,

So when someone awakes,

They have a surprise.

I suppose I’ll go on,

Decade after decade,

Each day busying myself,

With charming others,

From dusk until dawn.