We Hope You Have A Horrorble Holiday

A black cat,

Who wears an orange top hat,

Head of the Horrorble Spooky Pack,

We are no joke,

And on Halloween,

We like to leave things battered and broke.

I may be a sweet-looking thing,

But from my brain,

Meanness does sing,

And unto you,

My Spooks will do,

Anything I tell them to.

We promote fear,

Like Santa promotes cheer,

I’m ancient like him,

But my morning jogs,

Keep me spry,

So I can make you cry.

At our meeting today,

The whole Pack was so excited,

That it’s time to come out and play,

They’ve come up with piles of plans,

To give you a horrorble holiday.

We are comprised of lots of horrors,

Who all make me very proud,

A Live Witch’s Broom,

And some Screaming Wind,

Are some of the,

More exotic things.

Then there are the regular ones,

Like an Ivory-Boned Skeleton,

And an Enormous Evil Pumpkin,

Who weighs a literal ton.

Do any of these,

Sound scary to you?

If not,

Then you may be a fool.

The Live Witch’s Broom can sweep you,

Off the face of the Earth,

And the Screaming Wind,

Can render your ears,

Unable to hear.

The Skeleton and Pumpkin,

Are not just cute or silly decorations,

They can do evil,

Beyond your wildest imagination,

Would you like to see a demonstration?

I thought not,

But hey now don’t go run and hide,

It would so waste the night,

If you sat inside,

Come on now don’t be a pansy,

Get on out there,

And collect that candy.

We will be waiting,

Wherever we are,

Poor you,

If from us you are not far.

Run Along Now

It’s time to let it go,

Turn the lights out on that shit,

And just get over it.

Hopefully you’ve learned a lesson,

But now you need to,

Get to steppin’.

Better things await,

Beyond the next gate,

This was never meant to be your fate.

It seemed meant to be,

At the time,

But already this thing,

Has passed its prime.

There’s a whole world out there,

It’s time to see beyond,

This doomed affair.

Something new,

In its own time,

Will find its way to you.

The beyond right now seems scary,

But this toxic situation,

Is saddling you with burdens,

You should not have to carry.

Just leave,

Go about your business,

There’s nothing here to grieve.

There will be fun,

After you’ve found,

The courage to run,

You will see,

Times bright as the sun.

Your true destination,

Will not leave you bumped and bruised,

Not even figuratively,

You are not meant to be abused.

Until you are satisfied,

It’s not the end of the line,

It’s only a stepping stone,

Do not let yourself,

Be confined.

Uh-Oh, The Secret Cookies Are Now For Sale

Behind the grassy clearing,

Where the unsuspecting tend to fall prey,

To the Big Black Bear,

Demonic Dominic,

There lies a wondrous place,

Known as Sugar Cookie Cavern,

It’s an old-fashioned sort of place,

And smiles cover every face,

At least they did,

Until today.

Under normal circumstances,

No one will stumble upon this quaint little town,

For to cross the clearing,

You would have to pass Demonic Dominic,

Who will surely scare you off or take you down.

Somehow though,

Some unexplainable way,

Her Highness Naughty Ness,

Has found the way.

It’s in a big, big cave,

When entering you will see a twisted path,

Which leads into this town,

That is hidden away,

And it was always a fucking fortress,

Until she came to govern it,

Her Highness Naughty Ness.

Such a charming, charming place,

At one time full of grace,

Until along came Naughty Ness,

And wiped the smile from each face.

Picture this,

Everything sparkles and dazzles,

With every color ever,

Radiated from a prism,

The grass grows neon,

And frosted cookies instead of flowers,

Sprout over every lawn.

People were content,

No work and all play,

That was basically their way,

Until that fateful day,

When along came She,

Her Highness Naughty Ness.

Their ancient barter system is no more,

She shook this town,

To the core,

When she changed their ways,

And painted it with frowns.

Ever since this place was new,

Things were there to take,

Whether they were made or grew,

It was free,

If from a plant or a tree,

And they liked to trade,

Things that they made.

The sky was always clear,

Sunshine permeated the place,

Until the day there was no trace,

Of the warmth and happiness,

This happened the day that She blew in,

Her Highness Naughty Ness.

Being sneaky,

She keeps hidden away,

In a castle she’s built,

High on a hill,

She hates being seen,

But boy is she,

Fucking mean,

She’s got a deep love for the green,

And will come by it,

Through any means.

Whoa now!

Don’t dare eat that cookie!

Though it was grown,

On land that you own,

It’s got purple icing,

And is needed on a tray,

For Her to ship off,

Right away.

She sells off their things,

For fancy gowns and rings,

From their exports,

She’s got herself a fine monetary source,

But for the lifelong residents,

Of Sugar Cookie Cavern,

This is becoming detrimental,

And they must put a stop,

To Her evil pattern.

She makes them pay,

For imported goods,

Their peaceful way of life,

She has cut it like a knife.

There are loaves of bread,

That hang from branches of each tree,

But they are no longer free,

You will pay Her,

One dozen frosted cookies for a loaf,

Or for you,

There will be no toast.

This self-proclaimed queen,

She insists the more worldly ways are for their own good,

She tries to make them ‘civilized’,

Remember,

She’s all about the green,

So she doesn’t see,

This is no prize.

For since the start of this place,

Sugar Cookie Cavern,

Has been a place of paradise,

Not mingling with general society,

Makes them happy as a gambler,

Who rolled sevens on a pair of loaded dice.

Through Her trades with the Outsiders,

The secret of their home,

Is about to be leaked,

She must be stopped,

Before it is squeaked.

They all had a meeting,

To save this blissful place,

And one man decided,

“What more could I lose”?

Then he put on his walking shoes,

And headed for the mouth of their Cave,

All agreed,

That he is fucking brave.

Old Adam went searching,

For Demonic Dominic,

He sat on a boulder,

Waiting and waiting,

His mission was impossible,

To converse with That Bad Bear,

Befriend him so he will agree,

To take out Naughty Ness,

Even if he must,

Drag her out by her hair.

Once he realized,

Old Adam was in his field,

He came out and slunk up,

Behind that huge rock on which he sat,

Ready to smash him like a glass cup,

He assumed his life he would take,

Yes in his mind,

Old Adam was already fucking gone.

About to take that final step,

The one to make him close enough,

In which Old Adam’s life he could snuff,

He sure got a shock,

When the man turned around,

And stared him down,

From atop that big ol’ rock.

It stopped Him in His tracks,

Never before had the Demon Bear,

Seen anyone dare,

To look him in the eye,

As he tried to catch them unaware,

And sentence them to die.

“You there!

You evil asshole of a bear!

Just beyond your field,

Inside that old cave,

Is my peaceful community,

We are asking for your help,

Ridding us of Naughty Ness,

I’m begging you to save our fortress,

Please help us take her out,

She has ruined our town,

And forced us to bow down,

To her haughty crown”.

It happened for Old Adam,

Though it most likely never will for anyone again,

That day he made a friend,

Of Demonic Dominic.

Together they walked to the cave,

And crossed the threshold,

Into Sugar Cookie Cavern,

Where they saw all the town’s peoples,

Awaiting their return.

There was some skepticism,

In colluding with the Demon Bear,

Trust issues you know,

As he is ordinarily everyone’s foe,

But it was recognized,

That indeed this was the only way,

For Naughty Ness to forever go away.

Late one night,

Soon after his arrival,

All the plans were finally in place,

First the Bear made her feel compelled,

Then made his way back to his hovel,

Where he waited on her,

She would be in a trance,

Unable to put up a fight.

The very next day,

She felt a strong need to walk away,

She walked out much calmer than she blew in,

And then Demonic Dominic,

Made her his next sin.

A celebration ensued,

When it became obvious,

That Her Highness Naughty Ness,

Was never by them to be seen again,

Then Sugar Cookie Cavern,

Was once more a captivating place,

Charming and full of grace.

Once more everyone and everything is free,

They are hidden away,

And that is endlessly,

How they shall stay.

Be Careful, That’s Dandy, Not Frosty

Snowflakes have fallen,

And from this white dust has arisen,

A snowman from Hell,

He’s nothing like Frosty,

But still there is,

A story to tell.

It’s said that after the first snowfall,

There is a white cloud that whirls and twirls,

From this he is unfurled,

Then out he steps from that drift alive,

And at the Season’s end,

He bleeds red blood,

When he dies.

Winter after winter,

He always shows up,

But spreading joy for the Season,

Is not his reason.

He looks like any standard snowman,

Attired in a plaid scarf and evergreen wreaths,

With a wide candy smile,

To mask his intentions,

You’d never guess,

That your stockings and yule cakes,

He wants to thieve.

But on closer inspection you’ll realize,

He radiates a chilly vibe,

Like from an Arctic blizzard,

And if you are in tune with your intuition,

Just being near him,

Will cause you to fear him.

He’ll make you wish for sun,

He’ll make you wish for sand,

He’ll make you wish to be,

Anywhere but within reach of his hands.

He can drink hot chocolate,

And stir it with an icicle,

Neither one will drip a drop,

But this is no miracle,

No,

It’s a creepy kind of magic spell.

At a late night sleighing party,

He may seem to fit in very well,

Conversing so cheerily and laughing so heartily,

You’d never guess,

He’s sent here from Hell.

Sauntering down streets,

While us people sleep,

You won’t hear a peep,

As he ruins all the children’s snowmen,

Yes he bashes them all in,

For he feels they’re Frosty’s kin.

He waves about an enchanted wand,

Disguised as a candy cane,

Your Christmas trees he robs bare,

Nothing did get spared,

And if you’re pissed,

He really doesn’t care.

Yeah not at all like Frosty,

This snowman is very naughty,

But since he was not built,

He cannot be destroyed,

Even if for this an army was deployed,

Looks like we’re stuck with him,

Until it warms,

And he can melt,

So keep your fingers crossed,

And hope you are ignored,

Until he melts on the Earth’s floor,

Into a pile of snow and gore.

Jake, The Omnipresent Pheasant

Though knowledge of Him is not common,

Yes He is something of a phenomenon,

He is believed in by those,

Whose lives He has touched,

And to them,

His amazing deeds mean much.

He is often in the Amazon Rainforest,

Perched upon a branch,

At the very top of an old kapok tree,

From there,

There is nothing His eyes cannot see.

There are two sides to Him,

He changes faces on a whim,

Depending upon,

What He sees from that limb.

His good side is sweet,

This Him is one of the bestest creatures you could meet,

But rub Him on His bad side,

And you will surely meet,

Death by His beak,

No never again,

Will you rise to your feet.

When bored on His branch,

He will gallivant around,

Going from place to place,

He once found a bad guy and gave chase,

Ending his life,

Then helped out a homeless vagrant to save face.

Flying above you,

Wherever you are,

There is a Bird,

You don’t know it,

He’s invisible,

And has made sure He isn’t heard,

He likes to scope things out,

There’s always someone who can be watched,

Just in case it chances to be you,

You’d be wise to not do anything absurd,

But maybe if harm befalls you,

You’ll get lucky and be rescued by this Bird.

Ha! There’s been an accident,

Along Highway 95,

Help has not even had time yet to arrive,

But here comes judgement,

In the form of a Bird,

The one whose drunken fault it was,

He makes sure to leave him maimed without a word,

The innocent has died,

Secretly He sprinkles them with Living Dust,

To make sure they actually survive.

Jake could be compared to Karma,

The effects of your life affecting you,

No good deed is too virtuous,

No means of ridding evil too immoral,

If He sees something that needs fixing,

He will be there,

It shall be done,

No never has He not been victorious.

Short But Sweet: A Night Owl’s Point Of View

Lovers of the graveyard shift,

People whose light,

Is at night,

Nine-to-fivers,

Call us not right.

We can sleep the day away,

And wake in the late afternoon,

We don’t rise with the sun,

But instead are more in tune,

With the moon.

Morning birds call us peculiar,

Because our way of life,

To them is unfamiliar,

But let me tell you,

Navigating the world,

Without all their traffic,

Makes our life,

Go so much smoother.

Many of us are introverts,

When we try to mix with others,

It most times just ends in hurt,

We are not though,

Drawn to all things infernal,

Just because we happen,

To be nocturnal.

We are a group of rebels,

Such special little devils,

Our perspective of life,

Is sharp as a knife,

We are smart,

And we are fun,

If you consider yourself normal,

It’s from your kind we run.

New England Pony/Southern Horse: A Barn Conversation

“Where is the cold?

And where is the fluffy, powdery snow?

I’m only a pony,

So maybe I don’t know,

But it seems to me,

It’s been warm and sunny,

For long enough,

That something is funny”.

“Just what in the hell is snow?

I mean,

Not to sound like an ass,

But all I’ve ever seen,

Is this here green grass,

I’m only a horse,

And I’d not accuse you of lying,

Of course,

But snow is something,

That does not sound believable,

And so I just don’t know”.

“It falls silently,

Not making a sound,

And covers the ground,

For miles and miles around,

When a lot comes at once,

It’s at times up to my chest,

The whole field is slippery,

If I’m lucky and get out of my stall,

I must hope not to fall,

And that’s at best,

As I may not get out that day at all,

I may be stuck inside,

Bored all day,

Staring at the wall”.

“Are you telling me that There,

White powder falls in place of rain?

And instead of making bothersome noises,

Like splashing on the ground,

Or pounding on the roof,

The only sounds are silence,

And this fluffy, powdery substance,

Is cold and there to stay”?

“Absolutely,

Though it’s not around forever,

Just when I get to thinking,

That it is leaving never,

Warmer days begin,

Then for awhile there is rain and mud,

But after a few weeks of that crud,

The weather’s just like Here,

There’s hot and humid air,

And green grass that beats yours,

Is again everywhere”.

“I’m having trouble,

Conjuring in my mind a picture,

Of such a weather mixture,

Excuse me if I snicker,

It’s not that I don’t take your word,

But this sounds absurd,

And in truth it leaves me puzzled”.

“It’s really no big deal,

I merely wondered where it was,

I love that there’s no snow,

I just didn’t know,

This year-round summertime,

Could truly be for real”.

“Even though,

We’ve gone our separate ways,

I vividly remember,

Our conversation that day,

Now I’m living in a place,

That gets cold like She described,

And what do you know,

There really is a thing called snow,

The first time I experienced it,

It caught me by surprise,

I could not believe my eyes,

That pony had not lied”.

A Cupcake Is Born

Early one Saturday morning,

An old London Lady,

Was deciding what to make,

“I know”, said she,

“I think I will bake,

I’ll bake me a big batch of cupcakes”!

So she got busy,

And worked herself into a tizzy,

Fast she wanted them done,

Because she had,

An errand to run.

After they were cooled,

She got out things to make them pretty,

As she liked eye-appealing food.

Little did she know,

The sprinkles would set one free,

One sprinkle had magic ability,

That made that cupcake,

Able to flee.

Out into London’s streets he wandered,

Where exactly he was headed,

He hadn’t really pondered.

He rounded one last bend,

Ending up in the West End,

Near the Covent Garden,

On a street called Drury Lane.

Outside of an enormous structure,

Was a sign for a bakery,

And on the stairs,

Leading in there,

Sat the famous Gingerbread Man,

Petting a cat with a loud purr.

Standing up to shake hands,

And greet the Cupcake,

He said “Hello, I’m the Gingerbread Man,

Who are you?

You look fresh-baked”.

“I’m Clyde The Cupcake,

And yes,

You are correct,

I am a fresh bake”,

Replied the runaway Cupcake.

As conversation kept on,

The hours flew past,

And soon the night was over,

They had talked until dawn.

That was some time ago,

Still they are the best of friends,

They remain close,

Enjoying the fine shopping in that area,

And going to the theatre,

But working for the Muffin Man,

Is what delights them most.

Among their most loyal clientele,

Is that old London Lady,

That Clyde knows well,

She now buys their treats,

Because she’s scared to bake,

Ever since her sprinkles,

Put her Cupcake,

Under a spell.

What Do You Wish For?

At a hidden beach house near Key West,

Lives a tiger known as Sir Sadie,

Laying on white sand,

He naps on a towel,

Wearing only a scowl.

Scaring vacationers,

With a growl most foul,

And watching their fruity drinks fizz,

Are pastimes of his.

With the power vested in him,

By the Queen Of The Fishes,

Once each day,

He must grant someone three wishes.

So long as he’s near the ocean,

If you find him first,

He can put your most unfathomable,

Desires in motion.

But lazy Sir Sadie,

And his growl most foul,

Have most running like scared babies,

My God,

The way they are running,

You’d think he has rabies!

Remember,

If you’re a wuss,

And scared of this puss,

Be brave!

He’s just ol’ Sir Sadie,

Who knows his growl most foul,

Will cause a fuss,

Allowing him to be lazy.

If no one can get near,

Without first racing off in fear,

He can lay there on his towel,

Sneering and leering,

Instead of doing his job,

Of granting your wishes,

As he’s been ordered to do,

By the Queen Of The Fishes.

You could conceivably get lucky,

And head to this beach,

When he’s ’round the back,

Napping on his porch,

Seeking some reprieve,

From the sun’s scorch.

If you sneak up from behind,

And rub his back just so,

He’ll wake up with a smile,

And stretch out all his toes.

Once you get past his ever-present scowl,

And growl most foul,

He’s really not that bad,

And could even be considered,

As a friendly fellow.

Now grab those wishes while you can,

While he’ll afford you them with a smile,

Instead of with that growl most foul.

You can wish for anything,

From a ten-foot chocolate cake,

To a castle with a pot of gold,

Beside a pretty lake.

It’s too bad no one has yet thought,

To wish that all the world,

Would come into contact with Sir Sadie,

If we could all have a shot at three wishes,

For sure lots of crime would vanish,

And an abundance of good would flourish.

Eternal Mouse

I am Mandy Mouse,

And this is such a lovely house,

Though I’m unknown to my host,

To her,

I propose a toast.

I was born a normal mouse,

The nest was deep inside a log,

That lay on the outskirts,

Of a squishy smelly bog.

Being the black sheep of that horde,

I had brothers and sisters,

Who all thought that they were Lord.

Of this I soon grew bored,

So I left behind that log,

As well as that squishy smelly bog,

And that was when I scored.

I was ambling along,

Humming me a real sweet song,

When a cat jumped down from a tree,

Landing right in front of me.

I made a rapid turn,

Moving swiftly to my right,

Hoping to avoid,

A disastrous fight.

Good fortune was with me,

For then I did see,

Maybe a foot or so ahead,

A rodent-sized hole,

At the base of that tree.

So I made a beeline,

And avoided that feline,

And though I sensed it following me,

There was no way,

For it to get into that tree.

I’m sure that kitty thought he was scary,

But in here I was relaxed,

And free of any worry.

As my eyes regulated to the darkness,

I spied a pretty plant,

A force seemed to compel me to it,

I could see it was special,

Even from afar,

And with the light being so scant.

I walked slowly to this plant,

That stupid cat forgotten,

Then true to my kind,

I stood quiet as a mouse,

All the while the phrase ‘I need to eat it’,

Kept running through my mind.

It seemed a shame to devour,

Such an appealing flower,

But at last I could resist no more.

I ate that pretty flower,

With its pink polka dots and neon leaves,

Then I fell in a heap,

And went to sleep.

Upon awakening,

I could not believe my eyes,

Oh my God,

Just look at my size!

To my delight,

I was magnified times ten,

Maybe even more,

I now weighed pounds instead of ounces,

It would seem I’m now big enough to wear flounces.

As I lay there imagining,

Me in fetching clothes and ribbons,

There to me a fairy appeared,

And though she looked to be ever so good,

My, this was getting weird!

She opened her mouth and said pleasantly,

“You are now big enough,

To not always be prey,

You will always live to see,

Another day”.

After saying these words,

With a poof she was gone,

Leaving me to ponder,

If she was the fairy she seemed,

Or a disguised evil spawn.

By now that horrid feline was long gone,

It was time I stirred and rose to my feet,

Though I knew not,

My exact destination,

I was aware that wherever it was,

My previous life would certainly be beat.

So up I got,

Then like magic,

The rodent-sized hole,

Opened up to accommodate,

My new size,

And then out I went,

Assuming my walk,

Under the clear blue skies.

On and on I went,

Until at last I came upon a settlement,

Too small to be a metropolis,

But bigger than a town,

And presently I got a feeling,

This is where I should settle down.

I stayed along the fringes,

Foraging for food,

While waiting on sundown,

When it would be safe,

For a jumbo mouse,

To go looking for a house.

My belly full of food,

I was in such a jolly mood,

On my way to the residential quarter,

Passing through the heart of the city,

I noticed a store,

Selling clothes that could make me feel pretty.

It was time to get some flounces,

And sturdy shoes to walk the miles,

I’d go in and find some styles,

That would work for me.

This magic thing was great,

Just as I began to contemplate,

How I’d get into a closed store,

In the wall appeared a me-sized door.

Once inside I went from rack to rack,

Putting things inside a sack,

Pretty dresses, hats, and walking shoes,

All this stuff for free,

Was a deal too good to refuse.

I left that place through the magic door,

Feeling proud and dressed so smartly,

I lifted the sack,

Onto my back,

And when I took a last glance,

Over my shoulder,

That magic door,

Was no more.

It was looking like,

That fairy was for real,

She was no evil spawn,

That flower granted me,

The gifts of magic powers,

And life eternally.

I next hit up a bakery,

Adding goodies to my sack,

After that a grocery store,

Where nuts and fruits and vegetables,

Were then put into the pack.

I then headed to the zone,

Where people make their homes,

In search of the perfect place,

To start my never-ending years,

Somewhere free of anything,

That might cause me tears.

I passed first some condominiums,

Another mile and I saw a trailer park,

Still farther on was a fancy gated community,

But none of these gave me a feeling,

That they were the place for me.

So still on and on I wandered,

Until I came upon this house,

Entirely perfect for a mouse.

It’s this place I now reside,

An old fashioned kind of dwelling,

A big, big farm,

That immediately captivated me with its charm.

I use my magic powers,

To sneak from room to room,

Sometimes I go outside,

And look around with pride,

At this lovely place,

This place where I reside,

Though no one knows my face.

A couple years I’ve been here now,

It’s owned by a Grand Lady,

Who was born in Haiti.

Unknowingly crumbs drop at her feet,

And the minute she’s gone,

They are mine to eat.

Everything I’ll ever need is here,

This Lady from Haiti provides for me well,

I live like a queen,

While remaining unseen.

When outside I snack,

There’s animal feed aplenty,

I’ve never a need,

To store food in my pack.

I bathe in the pond,

With the ducks I’ve formed a bond,

And when I get weary,

Of the same ol’ same ol’,

I take a midnight stroll,

I head into the city,

And come back with stacks,

Of new clothes in a sack.

I am Mandy Mouse,

I live the high life now,

Thanks to this Lady from Haiti,

Though she does not know,

That she is my host,

To her,

I propose a toast.